My Journey

TaraTerryTV and My Desire to Permanently Feminize

It’s been thirty years since I first temporarily changed my body with some pubic shaving in Kalamazoo Michigan.  I was there on business and it was my first trip where I had a hotel room to myself.  I stopped on the way and bought a couple of Men’s Magazines with the intent of having some quality masturbation time.  I liked looking at the ads in the back of Penthouse and also the coverage of porn stars, because every once in a while there would be a picture of a woman with a shaved pussy.  That day, I spied a copy of  Shaved Magazine on the rack and it really was my undoing.  Shaved Magazine was like a smorgasbord of shaved pussies and it really made my blood pump.

I was there for four days and was having difficulty concentrating on work as Shaved Magazine was completely distracting me.  Well that third night with my testosterone already lowered from the non-stop masturbation sessions the previous two nights, I found myself needing more stimulation to get the relief I was looking for and I really started wondering what it would be like for a girl to have a shaved pussy.  Curiosity got to me and my razor came out!  I was just going to take a little off, but a little easily became a little more, and then a little more, until my pubis was as bare as the girls in the magazine.

It was February and my penis and testicles felt so cold as the cold winter winds blew right through my clothing.  I grew to like the feeling of being bare, even though I was thoroughly embarrassed that I was bare down there.  At the time, I certainly didn’t understand why it aroused me so and embarrassed me deeply at the same time.  Today, I still don’t understand fully why the two things are so interconnected but I realized that embarrassment and humiliation have become arousing to me.

Shaving gave way to Brazilian Waxing which then gave way to full body waxing, and then body waxing gave way to laser hair removal.  Today my arms, legs, tummy, chest, underarms have all been lasered smooth and it’s been such an exciting journey towards a permanently altered body.  The strangest thing is I love taking my clothes off and having a woman see my feminized body and it’s always a little more special when they ask about my boyfriend.  Actually, I don’t have a boyfriend, but when girls think I’m gay, it certainly seems that they are more relaxed and the girl talk can start.  I knew i was becoming successful when the conversation during waxing or pedicures turned to intimate talk about men.  

It’s all about Permanence Now 

Now it certainly seems that in becoming feminized that I’ve Fucked Myself, and backed myself into an erotic conundrum.  Dressing up and going out are still fun, but it’s not as exciting for me as Permanent Body Modification.  Thinking about taking the next step and fantasizing about doing it is only exciting for so long; all too quickly my mind turns to how can I carry out the next step. It may take years to find a way, but not always.  The one thing I do know is life is short, and when I finally find a way, and the person I’m comfortable with, it’s time to do it!

At this point, I think it is fair to say that I am not new to this, or naive!  After all, it’s now been over thirty years that I’ve been toying around with femininity!  Technically and physically I’ve been in a sissy transition for years without ever realizing it.  For the last ten or fifteen years I have been wondering about the next step, which I am about to take.  I’ve never been quite sure if I would like to go forward with it, if the opportunity should arrive.  Well, it is there now, and i am determined to go forward.

Let me assure you, I’ve done my research, or as much of it as I can possibly do within my fetish, while trying to remain objective, open minded, and above all respect the privacy and feeling of the people that have gone before me and not bombarding them with questions.  It’s completely clear to me that almost nothing in this world is certain and there is always a little risk in everything worth doing.  At this point, the decision has been made and I am planning on moving forward!  Closer to Femininity i will go and I will begin closing the door on masculinity very soon.  I know that I will never be a girl or a woman, but I will be one step closer to being the gurl I aspire to be, and on my own terms.

I ask you, is it wrong for me to want to finally be free of the burden placed upon me at birth?  Is it wrong to aspire live between the two accepted genders and be able to present myself as either?  And, finally why would it be wrong to get some sexual satisfaction in the process of permanently modifying my body?